Reparenting in Relational Mindfulness

Our Wise Adult Self, Reparents our Adaptive Child Self.

In Relational Mindfulness, reparenting is the practice of noticing when our Adaptive Child—the protective, reactive part of us shaped by early experiences—takes control, and consciously inviting our Wise Adult to step forward. In neurobiology, this shift mirrors moving from the limbic brain (where survival emotions like fear, anger, or shame live) into the prefrontal cortex, where reasoning, empathy, and balanced decision-making are possible. The shift starts with taking a full breath.

By strengthening this inner connection of Wise Adult and Adaptive Child, you will begin to learn to soothe and care for your younger parts with compassion, and providing that version of you with unconditional love, guiding them, and limiting that part when needed. In short, present adult self is parenting your past child self.

This work builds the muscle of self-awareness and repair, allowing us to shift from reactivity (Adaptive Child) to intentional connection (Wise Adult) while choosing more grounded and loving responses in your present relationships.

As many clients have requested it, I have included a series of exercises so you can try out the one that best works for you. The objective is always the same - to distinguish between the two parts of yourself. For my clients that have a tough time when starting this practice, I ask them to imagine that the Adaptive Child is someone in their lives. What would they say to that child? In nearly all cases, clients are unlikely to criticise that child, and rather give it love, guidance and limit the child if it is acting out, or needs extra attention.

1. Inner Dialogue Writing

• Purpose: To help you distinguish between the Adaptive Child’s voice and the Wise Adult’s voice.

• Instructions:

  • Fold a sheet of paper in half.

  • On the left, write in the voice of the Adaptive Child (reactive, defensive, black-and-white thinking, shame, or grandiosity).

  • On the right, respond from the Wise Adult (compassionate, balanced, boundaried, grounded in reality).

  • I encourage you to have daily or weekly dialogues, especially after triggers.

2. Chair Work (Empty Chair Method)

• Purpose: Embody the contrast between parts and practice self-reparenting. This method is particularly good to get you out of your head, and more into your body.

• Instructions:

  • Place two chairs facing each other.

  • One chair is the Adaptive Child: sit, speak aloud the reactive feelings, fears, or needs.

  • Move to the other chair as the Wise Adult: respond with empathy, soothing, and reality-based perspective.

  • Repeat until there’s a felt sense of integration.

3. Wise Adult Reparenting Script

• Purpose: Give Adaptive Child corrective emotional experience.

• Instructions:

  • Write or say to yourself:

    • “I see you and I hear how hurt/scared/angry you feel.”

    • “You are not alone. I am here now, and I will protect you.”

    • “You don’t have to take over — I’ve got this.”

  • You can record and replay these affirmations when dysregulated.

4. Trigger Pause & Reparenting

• Purpose: Practice pausing before reacting.

• Instructions:

  • When triggered, place a hand on your heart or belly.

  • Silently name: “This is my Adaptive Child.”

  • Breathe deeply 3 times.

  • Ask: “What does my Wise Adult know right now?”

  • Respond or act only from that place.

5. Imagery of Reparenting

• Purpose: Build a nurturing inner representation.

• Instructions:

  • Imagine your Adaptive Child self (often a younger age).

  • Picture your Wise Adult self entering the scene: calm, loving, protective.

  • Visualise offering what was missing (comfort, validation, safety, encouragement).

  • Repeat as a daily grounding ritual.

6. Adaptive Child Journal Prompts

• “What did my Adaptive Child want to do in this situation?”

• “What does my Wise Adult know would serve me better?”

• “How can I soothe and support my Adaptive Child right now?”

7. Relationship Repair Practice

• Purpose: Apply reparenting in partnerships.

• Instructions:

  • After a fight or rupture, reflect:

    • “Which part of me showed up — Adaptive Child or Wise Adult?”

    • “How can I re-enter the conversation from my Wise Adult?”

    • “What request can I make instead of a complaint or attack?”

💡 Practice at home: 

Choose 1 or 2 that resonate with you that can be combined into a weekly reparenting practice plan. For instance, 2–3 journaling/inner dialogues, one guided imagery, one chair-work or dialogue in session, and daily pause exercises when triggered.